Chris Johnson, Devin Hester Race a Cheetah – Place Your Bets

If Chris Johnson loses, will he blame his offensive line? (Photo Credit: Google Images)

We’ve seen athletes do some crazy things for cash and publicity; from slapping Shaq’s face on a tallboy of cream soda, to Tiki Barber offering to join your flag football team for a fee, and just about anything related to Mark Sanchez – but this might take the cake.

It was announced today that NFL speedsters Devin Hester and Chris Johnson will be taking on a live cheetah in a series of speed and agility contests for NatGeo’s ‘Big Cat Week’. The first reaction to this news is “wow, that’s pretty interesting!” Then you think about it for a second and realize the truth – unless the cheetah eats Chris Johnson on camera (please?) the outcome here is going to be rather predictable.

Let’s size up the competition:

-Devin Hester, a 30-year old return specialist for the Chicago Bears whose best days are behind him, and whose real talent lies in his elusiveness in the open field rather than his sprinting speed. A 4.41 40-yard dash time is no joke, but against these opponents, the best return man of all time definitely the underdog(cat?) here. Top Speed: 22mph

-Chris Johnson, a younger man of 27, running back for the Tennessee Titans. This is one of the fastest straight-line sprinters the NFL has seen in years, breaking the combine 40-yard dash record with 4.24 in 2008. In spite of the natural ability, we’re talking about Chris Johnson – the only way this guy will beat the cheetah in a race is if there is somebody holding a large sack of cash at the finish line. When he fails to win the real question is whether he’ll blame it on his offensive line, circa NFL 2012. Top Speed: 23mph

-The Cheetah, an animal literally built for speed. Without getting too scientific, this cat can accelerate from 0-62mph in three seconds. It also happens to have four legs and is unencumbered by Chris Johnson’s unwashed dreadlocks. There isn’t really much else that needs to be said. Top Speed: 62mph

So, considering the cheetah not only has faster acceleration, but is about three times faster than its opponents, this matchup suddenly looks a lot cooler on paper than it will on TV. Unless, as previously stated, the cheetah decides to attack Johnson mid-race. THAT would be must-watch T.V. Just ask any fantasy owner who picked him in 2012. Or any Titans fan.