Why The NBA’s Newest Jersey Experiment May Ruin Nicknames Forever

Jerseys that once read James, Pierce, and Allen will now display King, Truth, and Shuttlesworth. That’s right, the NBA is considering nicknames on Heat and Nets jerseys, naturally tarnishing the point of the all-beloved nickname. Nicknames have always defined athletes, used as fan-based forms of mockery or respect. Now, thanks to David Stern and co., several noteworthy ballers may eventually take control of their own moniker.

Photo credit: elitedaily.com

Photo credit: elitedaily.com

It’s a change of tune for the classy heads of the hardwood… ok, no it’s not. The NBA, filled with thug-life arrogance, truly just continues to piss us off. The Detroit-Indiana brawl of 2004; LeBron’s LeDecision; Craig Sager’s suits… ok, maybe those are legendary. But shit, nicknames on jerseys?! What is this, amateur hour at Rucker Park? Style may be essential to the substance of basketball, but how dare these NBA chiefs taint the game by scripting “The Truth” on the back of Paul Pierce’s jersey or “King James” on the back of constantly receding hairline, LeBron James.  Pierce isn’t anyone’s truth and James is a princess, let’s not water their ego plants. Does anyone really think Kobe is going to have “Mamba” instead of “Bryant” on his jersey? NO.

We miss the days when afros, headbands, and 360-degree windmills ruled the land. Guys like Mel Bennett, Artis Gilmore, the legendary Dr. J dominated on pure fashion. But wait, Dr. J was a nickname!? Sure, but the man had Erving scripted on his jersey and straight baller scripted on his resume. In essence, fuck nicknames, we want the Doctor back…

Instead we have the nurse…

English: Basketball player LeBron James during...

English: Basketball player LeBron James during the game Washington Wizards versus Miami Heat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)