Just A Day In The Life Of The Miserable Knicks Fan

Graphic via Michael Walchalk. Work can be found here: dribbble.com/michaelwalchalk

Graphic via Michael Walchalk. Work can be found here: dribbble.com/michaelwalchalk

With the All-Star weekend in full swing, we have more time to scratch our balls and think about what it means to be a fan. In the case of Knicks fans, like our sorry keisters at JockStrap, All-Star Weekend gives us the opportunity to remember that we are just about the biggest fucking suckers alive.  

The Knicks fan is a sad creature, equal parts delusion, depression, bitterness, and irrationally bipolar changes in outlook. Here is a look into a day in the life of a Knicks Fan:

 

8:00 – Wakes up

8:15 – Watches SportsCenter, sees inhumane Knickerbocker replays from the previous night’s loss 

8:30 – gets on subway to work at white collar job

8:45 – sees guy in Nets hat, mumbles “fuck your couch”

9:00 – arrives at work and immediately deflects abuse from coworkers about the Knicks trading yet another first-round draft pick for corn

11:00 – checks ESPN New York to see if the coach is fired or if Stephen A. Smith has anything else to yell about

11:02 – finds nothing, tries Twitter instead. Sees exciting trade rumor about star player!

11:03 – …hoax

11:10 – reads scathing tirade by Stephen A. Smith

11:20 

12:15 – goes on optimistic rant at colleagues over lunch regarding Knicks playoff chances/future prospects/Woodson’s beard

12:45 – remembers how hopeless the Knicks really are, goes into a minor depression. Turns out to be gas, false alarm

2:00 – reads NBAPls to cheer up, succeeds

3:00 – starts checking fantasy lineups for the day. Avoids all Knicks

5:30 – leaves work, drinks heavily, fails heavily

7:00 – is comfortably messed up for start of Knicks game

9:58 – Melo heaves 22-foot, contested piece of shit with 7 seconds remaining down by 2.

9:59 – Knicks lose. Nobody is surprised. Sky is blue. 

10:00 – partakes in NBA2K fantasy draft with roommates, third of the day. Takes 0 Knicks. 

10:45 – Contemplates burning Knicks apparel. 

1:00 – passes out and dreams of James Dolan getting Lou Gehrig’s disease. 

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